He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize