she looked like the before picture.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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