evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
