R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
