Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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