That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
