Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
