Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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