Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
