I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
