i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
