Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
