He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
