i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize