I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
