last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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