when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
time to smoke my breakfast
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
