Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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