Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(214): View more from Texas

New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.

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(+61): View more from Australia

How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess

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(605): View more from South Dakota

He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally

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(850): View more from Florida

I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.

(239): View more from Florida

that is the opposite of a normal text message.

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(406): View more from Montana

Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better

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(573): View more from Missouri

I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.

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(713): View more from Texas

Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.

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