one word: firstdatebathroomanal
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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