He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
