last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
