his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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