My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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