I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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