Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you mean i was at the winter classic?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
