I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
