He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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