3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
