I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
handjob tips. give me some.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
