You smell like stripper and shame
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
