Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
