Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
