I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hippo gnu deer
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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