After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
