You just made me feel so damn special
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
