He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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