We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
