Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
