Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
