My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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