He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
