I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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