Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize