you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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