Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
