You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
