I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
