i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
