It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
