I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he was CRYING into my vagina
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
