would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
