Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
