Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
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Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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