Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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