his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
