thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
