At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
