i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
