They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
