Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
