Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
