dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
