we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
