Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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