so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Maybe he injected his testicle?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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